The idea of writing a blog has been popping up in my mind again and again like an overinflated pool toy – I push it back down for a while but then POP! Up it comes again…I suppose I have gotten tired of trying to hold it down and just this morning I received encouragement from a friend that Christ is waiting to meet me in the muck that is surely under my resistance to write. So, here come the tears – clearly I need to do a little spelunking to discover what that is all about, but I am afraid. Afraid to explore those dark spaces, afraid of getting stuck somewhere down there in the darkness. Christ is my Light and the Lord of my Salvation. I need to simply trust that He is where He said He would be – with me. Above me, Below me, Around me, Within me He is here.
When I was in middle school, my family visited some caves which is where I first heard about spelunking. I was intrigued and really wanted to go, but for some reason I wasn’t able to. I don’t remember whether it was that I didn’t meet some requirement or perhaps it was just that it wasn’t part of the plan for that day, but regardless of why, I didn’t have a chance to squeeze through the opening and find out what sort of adventure lay in the darkness.
For years I was left to imagine the excitement of exploring tunnels and cracks and crevices of that dark cavern. I remember standing next to the large rock at the entrance that had a hole cut into it that served as the test to be able to enter the cave. I would have had to prove that I could fit through to be able to go on the spelunking adventure. Years later, I was presented with another opportunity to do just that, and yet that time I was full of hesitation.
Something had changed and I can’t pinpoint exactly when or why, but my spelunking dreams had turned to fear filled imaginings…
Now I am teetering between a desire to have that unfettered excitement return, and a complacency of comfort where I question whether it is wise to venture into the darkness. As I prepare to enter the abyss, I have to remind myself again, Christ is my Light and the Lord of my salvation. And here we go….